Deviant Login Shop  Join deviantART for FREE Take the Tour
×

:iconrayen-v-storme: More from Rayen-V-Storme


More from deviantART



Details

Submitted on
March 27
File Size
161 KB
Link
Thumb
Embed

Stats

Views
1,484 (1 today)
Favourites
36 (who?)
Comments
19
×
Silent City - Part 2: Mortal by Rayen-V-Storme Silent City - Part 2: Mortal by Rayen-V-Storme
EDITS: I changed the cover as well as mild grammar issues.
--

This is the second piece from my post-apocalyptic series

Welcome to the "Silent City". 
It is a long way down for humanity, when every single action has a dreadful moral consequence. But how far can we fall, before we are nothing more than the very things that hunt us?

Hey there, readers and watchers ^.^
Thanks for bearing through with yet another bit of writing. Much appreciated. The first entry you may recognize, though it has been reworked a little. The second (or 6th, depending on your point of view) is completely new!
I hope you guys enjoy :D
--

ART CREDITS: 
"Towers In The Mist" by Tryingtofly 
Another fantastic artist who has been so kind as to let me use his works as covers. If you like the story or the art, please check him out! He would appreciate it, I'm sure ^.~


Towers in the mist by Tryingtofly

Linky Link: tryingtofly.deviantart.com/art…

Thanks for reading, and for all the support ^.^
Cheers,
~Rayen

--Silent City - Part 1 : rayen-v-storme.deviantart.com/…

Silent City - Part 1: A Long Way Down by Rayen-V-Storme

--Silent City - Part 3 : rayen-v-storme.deviantart.com/…

Silent City - Part 3: Finale by Rayen-V-Storme
Add a Comment:
 
:iconchiourin:
ChiouRin Featured By Owner Apr 13, 2014
You should look at some of the spelling and the tenses again (for example 'here' and 'hear' or 'lie' and 'lay' have been mixed up once, I think). But apart from those tiny little things: great!
I have to say i love the vagueness. Also that he says 'my brother', as if it was for his protection, as to not mention any names or something^^
Although the first piece somehow seems more thought-through, this one has some powerfull parts that are descibed in beautiful words. Sadly I am terribly lazy, so I won't quuote here ;P
I also think that the journal-yness comes from him being able to foreshadow, as in, he knows everything that happened so he can say stuff like: little did i know what was gonna come our way. or the like.^^
Reply
:iconrayen-v-storme:
Rayen-V-Storme Featured By Owner Apr 17, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Yeah, my tenses do tend to flip-flop when I'm writing too fast haha. Thank you!
Funny story about vagueness - I used to use it for the simple reason that I hate creating names for characters. I can do titles and such, but a name? I can't decide, or be creative, or anything! So at first I did it in my writing to simply keep it easy and from driving myself nuts XD But then, I kind of stylized it and adapted it into the stories themselves. There are very few stories of mine with actual names.
So thanks for noticing that!

I did indeed rush through this a bit more so than the earlier bits. Must be obvious huh :p
Once again, thank you.

Premonition is a fun tool to write with >: D
Reply
:iconbibliosmith:
Bibliosmith Featured By Owner Mar 29, 2014  Professional Writer
Journal 6: "He turned towards the sound, and as he turned, he took a bad step."

Too many 'he's.  The first one could be replaced with 'My brother' to reassert possession of the action, the second one could be dropped entirely.

Another great piece, a seeming bit of redemption followed closely by fear and internal turmoil.  Looking forward to that last chapter.
Reply
:iconrayen-v-storme:
Rayen-V-Storme Featured By Owner Apr 1, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you for the comment! I'll have to fix that bit.

Danke :D
I know these two read far less like actual journal entries, but I felt that it was time to give the world a bit more...depth, but maintain the vagueness, if that makes sense. 
I guess I just really wanted to tell a story XD
Reply
:iconbibliosmith:
Bibliosmith Featured By Owner Apr 2, 2014  Professional Writer
No worries.  It's good to experiment a little, but inconsistencies can cost you readers (the super picky type) and publishing (almost every type, unless you're already famous).  So I'm all for experimentation, doing it heavily myself sometimes, just be wary that it you're headed in the professional direction what the cost may be.
Reply
:iconrayen-v-storme:
Rayen-V-Storme Featured By Owner Apr 5, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
That is very true! I use DA for my experimentation more so. That way, I can keep the more...professional stuff where it belongs ^.~
Once again, thanks for the tips :D
Reply
:iconbibliosmith:
Bibliosmith Featured By Owner Apr 5, 2014  Professional Writer
Happy to help when I can, even happier to read your work.  It is that good.
Reply
:iconrayen-v-storme:
Rayen-V-Storme Featured By Owner Apr 5, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
I only wish I had more time to write and submit haha. Ah, life never does give us a break, does it....
Reply
:iconbibliosmith:
Bibliosmith Featured By Owner Apr 5, 2014  Professional Writer
No, no she does not... fickle mistress that she is... heh.
Reply
:iconarico-samaa:
arico-samaa Featured By Owner Mar 29, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Would love to read, but it says, 'Page not found', when I try to download PDF(((
Reply
Add a Comment: